Shakeela is back in the social media with the Facebook post by Deepanasanth’s Facebook post in Thrissur Kerala Varma College. It’s a viral post that blames people for what they know. In Shakeela’s autobiography, a lady was not able to read without tears. From my memory, I have not even been able to forget that day, Shakeela’s autobiography starts with this passage.
My sixteenth year is a never-ending wound in my life. It’s been a long time since I was scared from sleeping. From my memory it is not enough to forget that day. The sixteenth year of me is staring like a bleach of iron bundles.
One morning my mother told to bathe me earlier. When I washed, the best dress was given to me by mother. I could not believe it. That was the first time in memory. My mother had a romantic love for me. ‘Amma’ always treats my other sisters and me the same. She do not care me. But now, everything has changed. When she wrapped up powder on my face, I was caught up in my beard. “You are more beautiful than me.’
From my inside woked out a thousand blossoms out of happiness. I just wanted to hug my mother and make me smile. My mother hug me and said,
‘Shakeela. You know the pains in our home. Look at this .. I do not even have a dress. We’ll be Starving tomorrow … I look at my mother’s face and silent. The mother said no less the voice. ‘Now here comes someone. You have to go with him to a place. There you are waiting for a good man. Do not spell it out. You should do as he says .. He’s a very good person. “I listened to my mother’s words. I did not understand why I she told me this. The sad and the anguish in my heart turned out. I wanted to explode and break out. The anguish in our heart was filled with eyes. My mother wrapped my tears and said again.
‘Only You can save this house. Do something to everyone. Or everyone may die of poisons. I can not borrow and survive .. ‘Mother broke down. Then angrily ran up like a cat and cried out loudly. “No one has any advantage. I will die. I can not trouble myself! Why did I give birth to you? Have you been looking for so long? Her mother started weeping and crying. For a long time I did not say anything. His mother’s anger was burning. In the end, I said to myself: ‘I will go .. you don’t crying again ..’
There was afternoon, Someone come home. He looked at me slowly. I’m afraid to look at those eyes. He laughed looking me. His half of the teeth had been healed. I quickly return from his face. I gone with him to Some Places.
I realized that my body can save a group of people who stand in the way of life, and I believe that they will get their love. Later I was brought back to bedroom. I have not even remembered the faces of many. I took all the responsibilities of the family. None of them had been starving anymore. All of them Comfortably sleep in the night. They did not think about me. They are asking for cash only.
I still do not remember where my woman is and where my virginity is lost. If you lose your fingers, hands or feet, you can recognize it. Can not find where lost virginity is. My mother was forced me to do this. No other child was forced to do that. Why she chose myself as a voucher. I humbly asked myself of the virginity and life that I do not need for my family.
I know that when such women are talking about their lives, there will be a lot of reasons. I also told you the truth. But there is one thing. I still have a question that will ask myself with bitter pain. I’m just wondering why my mother chose to do this in some nights. Why my mother just let me down that way? ‘(Autobiography Shakeela, Olive Books)